Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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