she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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