She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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