All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You have to summon your inner elephant
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
