Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
