My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
