peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
