I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
