I'm really into asian looking animals
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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