He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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