You're my little dorito
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
