I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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