I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
