We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
