I love black thongs
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
