we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
