3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
