I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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