Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
