Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
