I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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