shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize