ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
