dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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