im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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