He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
