I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
