I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
