your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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