I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
