Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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