Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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