god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
