Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
