this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
