oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
