i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
