he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
