I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
