do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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