I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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