Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
