my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize