i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize