god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
