What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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