she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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