I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize