i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
