I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
