My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
