Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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