checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
