hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
