Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
