I am puke
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
