it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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