I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My liver just had a heart attack.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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