i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
