see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
