so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
