After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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