I'm going to jail i love you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
