If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
