this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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