Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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