Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
